Somewhere out there, the Founding Fathers are looking down on us thinking, “We wrote a whole Declaration so you could have life, liberty, and the pursuit of not blowing your hand off.”

So as you celebrate America’s birthday, channel your inner George Washington: steady aim, calm judgment, and absolutely no lighting a fuse while holding a White Claw.

Have fun, be safe, and may everyone wake up on July 5th with the same number of fingers they started with.